A letter to my future self: ‘The boys we foster see us as part of their family’ | Fostering: Life, Shared

Dear Ben,

I’m writing to you now from the start of your fostering journey so that one day you can look back and remember how it all began. As I write this letter, I have plenty of great things going on in my life – both Chris and I have full-time jobs we enjoy, and our loving (but lazy) dog Sammy takes up plenty of our time. We’ve also just moved into a bigger house in Nottinghamshire, which is one of the reasons we decided it was the right time to bring a child into our home.

With so much going on, we thought hard about adding full-time fostering or adoption to our busy lives. But then Chris heard about respite care at a coffee morning about fostering.

I’d always known Chris was drawn to the idea of giving something back. Having been in care himself, he liked the idea of offering a child some structure and stability. Respite care – where you look after a child while their family or foster carers take a break – sounded perfect for us. It was a way to become part of a child’s extended family without having to make the big changes to our lives required for full-time parenting.

In fact, I remember filling out the application form that very same evening. We weren’t quite sure what to expect but we needn’t have worried. Over the next seven months we were visited by social workers, filled out our assessment paperwork, and attended a fostering panel and courses on childcare and therapeutic parenting. Then in April 2026, a month after being approved, we were matched with a family.

At the moment, we’re taking care of two little boys – brothers aged five and six – about one weekend a month. They live with relatives (their “kinship carers”) and we’re on hand to help give them a bit of a breather, and the boys a chance to widen the circle of people who care for them and enjoy some new experiences.

As I write you this letter, we haven’t been in their lives for very long. But already we can see so much change. The boys are starting to trust us, they love having Sammy around, and month by month we’re learning more about who they are. They see us as uncles, and it’s wonderful to be a part of their family and support network.

You probably remember how rewarding it was in these early days, seeing their confidence blossoming, both with us and out in the wider world. They’re already much more enthusiastic about clambering up the monkey bars in the park, and they absolutely love football. We’ve spent hours playing it with them. And sometimes the balls don’t end up in the flowerbeds, which is progress.

One day, we hope to adopt or foster full-time. Right now, as I write this, we’re a few years away from that decision. But I feel like we’re growing in confidence every day, and I’m excited to see what the future holds.